the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
