I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
