last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
