I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
