So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
