the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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