the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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