I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
