It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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