Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
