Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
