I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
