I hope mine doesn't look like that
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
