And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
