Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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