Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
