ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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