i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The dick lei will go down in squad history
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
