My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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