Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
