Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
