I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
