The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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