I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
