"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
