Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
