I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
