What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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