You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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