Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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