Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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