At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
