Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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