I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
