Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
