No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
