Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
