he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
