i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
