I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
