I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
