she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
