Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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