But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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