May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
