I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
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