flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You ruined the universe
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