I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
