Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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