this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
