As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
