Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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